Today was hard. Guy had several visitors throughout the morning. Even though he was not really aware, I am certain that he appreciated every effort that was made to come and visit. His connection to friends is what will feed his soul, right to the end.
The hospice nurse came by at 1:30. I loved her approach to our situation. Her main concern was Guys discomfort, both pain and anxiety. We scrapped the oxycodone and went to small doses of morphine under his tongue. She dosed him until the furrow in his brow relaxed. Ahhhhh. Then she helped us adjust his bedding to make it more comfortable and gave us the ability to move him without yanking on his limbs. When she left we felt in better control of his comfort which after all is really the only goal at this point.
I asked her a few times throughout her visit how much time she estimated he had left. I was told these nurses have a good sense of this. Unfortunately her answer wasn’t what we wanted, probably a few days, not weeks. I don’t think this really surprised Pete or me but it did send us into a new wave of sorrow. I called Kate and Matt, they are flying in tomorrow. Pete called sister Dana and his mom. Then we looked at each other and steeled ourselves. We are going to make his time here as comfortable as possible.
His best friend in Eugene,Bagasha, is with him now. Just sitting, holding his hand,rubbing his back. Guys connections to his friends is extraordinary. He thrives off them, they give him joy and purpose and a reason to laugh out loud. I love the Irish saying “may your Home always be to small to hold all your friends” We have a pretty big house and this holds true.
But at this time I’m going to stop all visits from friends, our family needs some private time together. I keep talking to him trying to make some sense of it. Today he did have a few lucid moments, during one he held me and kissed me and told me how much he loved me. I will hold on to that forever.